"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong."

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria."

"If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing."

"Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances."

"Were I a Roman Catholic, perhaps I should on this occasion vow to build a chapel to some saint, but as I am not, if I were to vow at all, it should be to build a light-house.[Letter to his wife, 17 July 1757, after narrowly avoiding a shipwreck; often misquoted as "Lighthouses are more helpful than churches."]"

"Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."

"Well done is better than well said."

"Instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle."

"A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned"

"He that can have patience can have what he will."

"Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five."

"Tis easier to suppress the first desire than to satisfy all that follow it."

"The best way to see Faith is to shut the eye of Reason."

"If a man could have half of his wishes, he would double his troubles."

"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."

"Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasures that occur every day than in great pieces of good fortune."