"Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman."

"There must be a mistake," I said. He adjusted his bag on his shoulder. "That's a creative name. What do you shorten it to? Missy?"

"Do you always ask me the same questions you ask him?""It depends on whether or not I get an answer."

"Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling."

"Heifer.”“Rich man’s whore!”“At least mine can cook the food he eats. And replaces it, too.”“Now see, Dee-Ann Smith. That was just mean!"

"You weren't afraid of me when I was Wolf," he said. "Why are you afraid of Nathan?""He's got big feet!""What?"An insulted-sounding arrroooo came from the other side of the door, a reminder that Wolves also had big ears."

"When did you become a woman?"-HatoriHow dare you ask that after you have seen me naked so many times..."-YukiGASP! No it cant be! Yuki-kun, does that mean..." fan club girlsNO! He's my doctor..."Yuki"

"Madame Bellwings, Memoir Elf Coordinator, was not at all pleased with this request, because elves who write the memoirs of teenage girls have the habit of returning to the magical realm with atrocious grammar. They can't seem to shake the phrases "watever" and "no way," and they insert the word like into so many sentences that the other elves start slapping them...and for no apparent reason occasionally call out the name Edward Cullen."

"However, because they have no actual interests of their own (or if they do, they squelch them in order to fit in) and merely pursue those that they think will look best on their college apps, they're zombies."

"He was a writer and words were his weapons."

"A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat."

"Don't be stupid, it's a flying house!"

"Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature."

"It was beautiful in a harsh I'm-going-to-gut-you-like-a-fish kind of way."

"Maybe we should go on lots of double dates,” Cath said, “and then we can get married on the same day in a double ceremony, in matching dresses, and the four of us will light the unity candle all at the same time.”“Pfft,” Levi said, “I’m picking out my own dress."

"Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?"

"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"

"Personally, I like it much better when someone else does the decision making. That way you have legitimate grounds to whine and complain. I tend to find both whining and complaining quite interesting and amusing, though sometimes--unfortunately--it's hard to choose which one of the two I want to do.Sigh. LIfe can be so tough sometimes."

"BE QUIET!!...What do you want...? I was in the middle of saying something nice..."

"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."