"Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."

"If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could."

"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect"

"A word to the wise is infuriating."

"Ride?" Rhage snorted. "Please. That thing is a sewing machine with an air dam taped to it. My GTO could dust the fucker in fourth gear from a dead stop."When there was an odd sound from behind, John looked back. So did the three Brothers. "What." Xhex bristled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I can laugh, you know. And that's . . . pretty damn funny." Rhage beamed. "I knew I liked you."

"Saphira waved her tail, the tip whistling loudly. "I'm not asking you to. However, if we attack first, we may gain the advantage." "Have you gone crazy? They'll..." Eragon's voice trailed off as he thought about it. "They won't be able to do a thing." "Exactly," said Saphira. "We can inflict lots of damage from a safe height." "Let's drop rocks on them!"

"She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong."

"Must be weird for you, having your mom here.""Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had to give up your swinging bachelor pad.""Mrs. Casnoff let me install my heart-shaped Jacuzzi in my new dorm room.""Cal," I said with mock astonishment, "did you just make a joke?""Maybe."

"There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and foget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity."

"He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?" "Like what?""Like hitting on you.""Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way." Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee."What? You think he does?""Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood.""Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?""Not enough coffee."

"You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working." Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab."Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!" Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!"

"The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living."

"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?"

"I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it."

"Why on earth would you buy a car like this if you can't drive a stick? There are dozens of cars--new cars--that have automatic transmission. It'd be a million times easier." Adrian shrugged. "I like the color. It matches my living room."

"Orion brightened. "I have an idea.""Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained."Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other."

"Fortunately, among werewolf women, the word "bitch" is not offensive. I was having a lot of fun with that."Hey there, bitches!" I called as I came through the door. "What are my favorite bitches up to today?"

"No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad"

"Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem—neat, plausible, and wrong."

"Civilization is vastly overrated."

"Jace suggested that the cast of "Gilligan's Island" could go do something anatomically unlikely with themselves."

"Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film."