"I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't."

"I let out a laugh that sounded more like the yip of a startled poodle. "Superp-powers? I wish. My powers aren't winning me a slot on the Cartoon Network anytime soon... except as a comic relief. Ghost Whisperer Junior. Or Ghost Screamer, more like it. Tune in, every week, as Chloe Saunders runs screaming from yet another ghost looking for her help."Okay, superpower might be pushing it."

"You look disappointed to see me, Zach," Macey teased. "Don't you like my jacket?"

"I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal."

"Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves."

"When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman."

"If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind."

"I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful."

"She wondered if it was her stupid mother, the goddess of love, messing with her thoughts. If Piper started getting urges to read fashion magazines, she was going to have to find Aphrodite and smack her."

"I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts."

"No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it— it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said."

"Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke."

"Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?"

"Don't run I never liked fast food"

"Oliver laughed - actually laughed."I like this new Claire," he said. "You should work her this hard all the time, Myrnin. She's interesting when she's forthright."Claire, possessed by the spirit of Eve, shot him the finger. Which made him laugh again, shake his head, and walk up the steps."

"Earrings are like orgasms. You can never have too many." " I never thought about it quite that way." Well, you're a man. " She gave his knee a friendly pat."

"Myrnin turned away to pick up his Ben Franklin spectacles, balanced them on his nose, and looked over them to say, "Don't do drugs. I feel I ought to say that."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either."

"And spare me the jokes about scoring.""Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?""It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts.""So, ninety-five percent of the time."

"The food was so good that with each passing course, our conversation devolved further into fragmented celebrations of its deliciousness:'I want this dragon carrot risotto to become a person so I can take it to Las Vegas and marry it."

"I know how to use a fellytone now."