"I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point."

"You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go."

"That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse."

"Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?"

"Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends."

"I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations."

"Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?"

"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are."

"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."

"As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway."

"Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice."

"I liked things better when I didn't understand them."

"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."

"HOBBES:If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams."

"Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?"

"HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills."

"In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories."

"To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble."

"CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight."

"CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment."

"If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life."