"Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices."

"I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly."

"Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?"

"At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated."

"Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT"

"I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels."

"You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt"

"I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity."

"There is a great need for a sarcasm font."

"After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much."

"I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja."

"My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.”I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.” After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much."

"Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt"

"After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”“You do have that effect on people."

"Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices."

"I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly."

"Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?"

"At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated."

"Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT"

"I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels."

"You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt"

"I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity."