"And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions."

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them"

"The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind."

"Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother."

"My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat."

"Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages."

"Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self."

"In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book."

"The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks."

"This book was written using 100% recycled words."

"Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it."

"Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?"

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

"...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened."

"We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything."

"HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)"

"The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it."

"Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide."

"Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them."

"He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower."

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"