"You thought I was a werewolf?" Dervish asks."Yes" I answer hollowly."You ass."

"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."

"I rode an elevator with a guy who was whistling the tune of 'this is the song that never ends'. Putting that on me? Come on dude.."

"I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself."

"Normal" is just a setting on your dryer."

"No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought?--Poirot"

"Even now, despite Angeline's watchfulness, she'd occasionally oscillate between random topics, like how shepherd's pie wasn't a pie at all and why it was pointless for her to take class in typing when technology would eventually develop robot companions to do it for us."

"…well just call me Hannibal Lecter. With cleavage."

"How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it"

"I happen to be immature, undisciplined, and self-centered, pretty much a little boy in a man's body, although I'd appreciate it if you didn't quote me on that.-Bobby Tom"

"I will describe my eyes and then begin the story. My eyes are blue and resplendent. Now I will begin the story."

"Could we wear spandex and blow things up?"

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again."

"A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?"

"Plans are invitation to disappointment."

"This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here."

"He smiled in a way that made me want to kiss him right on the spot. Or the lips. Whichever was closer."

"Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?"

"It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive."

"Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people."

"Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some."

"Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre."Myles: "In Paris."Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?"Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?"Myles: "I agree with simple-toon."Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'"Beckett: "Itchy what?"