"Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me?" I'll try to get one for each of us. Hey! 'If'?"

"I think I am, therefore, I am... I think."

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right."

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."

"One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious."

"molesting the vampire while he's too weak to fight back, iz? jace asked. i'm pretty sure that violates at least one of the accords."

"You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway."

"Harry and Hermione are very platonic friends. But I won't answer for anyone else, nudge-nudge wink-wink!"

"The world isn't fair, Calvin.""I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?"

"You've got no sense of humor.""I'm going to laugh really hard after I kick your ass."

"Henry turned as if to dart out of the room, then swung around and stared at them, a look of confusion passing over his freckled face, as if he had only now had cause to wonder why Will, Tessa, and Jem might be crouching together in a mostly disused storage room. "What are you three doing in here, anyway?"Will tilted his head to the side and smiled at Henry. "Charades," he said. "Massive game."

"In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke."

"An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup."

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

"God knows I had not wanted to fall in love with her. I had not wanted to fall in love with any one. But God knows I had and I lay on the bed in the room of the hospital in Milan and all sorts of things went through my head but I felt wonderful..."

"Helloooo? I just made some changes in my life, and if I don't get back to you as soon as possible, then guess what? You were one of those changes."

"I wouldn't marry Giddon to save my life," Katsa said. "Not even to save yours.""Well." Raffin's eyes were full of laughter. "I'd leave that part out."

"Well you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I thought someone should."

"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that."

"Colin decided then and there that the female mind was a strange and incomprehensible organ - one which no man should even attempt to understand. There wasn't a woman alive who could go from point A to B without stopping at C, D, X, and 12 along the way."

"Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty."