"Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?"Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett."

"In the action business, when you don't want to say you ran like a mouse, you call it 'taking cover.' It's more heroic."

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent."

"Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it."

"Bite me, Goth princess,” Shane called from the back. “Not literally or anything.”“Maybe you should say that to Michael.”“Not funny, Eve,” Michael said.Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. “Little bit,” she said."

"Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them."

"I'm your friend, and friends don't let friends die."

"You thought I was a werewolf?" Dervish asks."Yes" I answer hollowly."You ass."

"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."

"I rode an elevator with a guy who was whistling the tune of 'this is the song that never ends'. Putting that on me? Come on dude.."

"I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself."

"Normal" is just a setting on your dryer."

"No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought?--Poirot"

"Even now, despite Angeline's watchfulness, she'd occasionally oscillate between random topics, like how shepherd's pie wasn't a pie at all and why it was pointless for her to take class in typing when technology would eventually develop robot companions to do it for us."

"…well just call me Hannibal Lecter. With cleavage."

"How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it"

"I happen to be immature, undisciplined, and self-centered, pretty much a little boy in a man's body, although I'd appreciate it if you didn't quote me on that.-Bobby Tom"

"I will describe my eyes and then begin the story. My eyes are blue and resplendent. Now I will begin the story."

"Could we wear spandex and blow things up?"

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again."

"A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?"

"Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle."