"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."

"You wanna go build some shelves with me?"

"The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock."

"Oh! it is absurd to have a hard-and-fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn't. More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read."

"if something is there, you can only see it with your eyes open, but if it isn't there, you can see it just as well with your eyes closed. That's why imaginary things are often easier to see than real ones."

"It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

"You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other."

"An elite confederacy of nerds. My peeps"

"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."

"Come on guys, you cant fight like this forever""Actually," Simon said, raising his hand,"I can".Jace made a weird noise and I realized he was trying not to laugh-which by the way, wasn't working."

"I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall."

"This is a good place," he said."There's a lot of liquor," I agreed."

"I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability."

"Close your eyes and picture it. Can you see it?"I nod, eyes closed. its texture, shape, and color—got it?"I smile, holding the image in my head. its contours with the tips of your fingers, cradle its weight in the palms of your hands, then combine all of your senses—sight, touch, smell, taste—can you taste it?"I bite my lip and suppress a giggle. it!" he says.So I do. I do all of those things. And when he groans, I open my eyes to see for myself.. This isn't even close.""Nope, nothing fruity about him." I laugh, smiling ateach of my Damens—the replica I manifested before me, and the flesh and blood version beside me. Both of them equally tall, dark, and so devastatingly handsome they hardly seem real."

"You can knock on a deaf man's door forever."

"Lead me not into temptation"

"You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record."

"Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about one thing or another, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark, although the sun can go down so quickly that you may be in the in the dark about being in the dark, only to look around and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark, but in the dark in the dark nontheless, not only because of the dark, but because of the ballerinas in the dark, who are not in the dark about the dark, but also not in the dark about the locked cabinet, and you may be in the dark about the ballerinas digging up the locked cabinet in the dark, even though you are no longer in the dark about being in the dark, and so you are in fact in the dark about being in the dark, even though you are not in the dark about being in the dark, and so you may fall into the hole that the ballerinas have dug, which is dark, in the dark, and in the park."

"So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family."

"Why hasn't anyone killed him yet?”“Dumb luck,” Wit said. “In that I’m lucky you’re all so dumb."

"It was a lame excuse, and I knew that wasn't the reason he was canceling. If he wanted to avoid me, I would have preferred he made up something about how he and the other guardians had to up Moroi security or practice top-secret ninja moves."