"The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind."

"You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither."

"Have you made any other friends since we've been here?"I gave him the death stare. "Yes, actually.""Who? I want a name.""Jamie Roth.""The Ebola kid? I heard he's a little unstable.""That was one incident."

"My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for."

"She'd absolutely adored the library_an entire building where anyone could take things they didn't own and feel no remorse about it."

"I like ducks." Jem observed diplomatically. "Esspecially the ones in Hyde Park." He glanced side ways at Will; both boys were sitting at the edge of a high table, thier legs dangling over the side. "Remember when you tried to convince me to feed pultry pie the the mallards in the park to see if you couls breed a race of cannibal ducks?""They ate it too," Will reminisced. "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck."

"What...what about when I'm married?”“We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits."

"Gabi to Marcus "I can't believe out of one hundred thousand sperm, you were the fastest!"

"good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere"

"Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement."

"I am not sure I trust you.""You can trust me with your life, My King.""But not with my wine, obviously. Give it back."

"Housework can kill you if done right."

"There is a great need for a sarcasm font."

"Katsa and Po were trying to drown each other and, judging from their hoots of laughter, enjoying it immensely."

"Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black."

"Are you an idiot, or an idiot?' Gargarin hissed.'The first one. I really resent being called the second."

"Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God."

"What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?”“No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.”“Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work?"

"Room service? Send up a larger room."]"

"She would've been a good woman," said The Misfit, "if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life."

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."

"It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours"