"Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic."

"As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation."

"Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while"

"Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self."

"Dude, I don’t want to talk about Lacey’s prom shoes. And I’ll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It’s called a penis."

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."

"A well-read woman is a dangerous creature."

"Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."

"If you think this Universe is bad, you should see some of the others."

"You'd be surprised how many people in the modern age no longer fear zombies as much as teletubies."

"Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world."

"One of the greatest myths in the world - & the phrase 'greatest myths' is just a fancy way of saying 'big fat lies' -- is that troublesome things get less & less troublesome if you do them more & more. People say this myth when they are teaching children to ride bicycles, for instance, as though falling off a bicycle & skinning your knee is less troublesome the fourteenth time you do it than it is the first time. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, & that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent."

"That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse."

"Terrific. A bisexual dominant vampire with kidnapping expertise."

"You look too pretty to be useful." "Truer words were never spoken."

"Just deleting vandalism on the Chuck Norris page," Radar said. "For instance, while I do think that Chuck Norris specializes in the roundhouse kick, I don't think it's accurate to say, 'Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, but unfortunately he has never cried."

"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."

"I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm definitely not religious, and I'm very tired of the preachiness and obsession with other people's behavior characteristic of many religious people in the United States. As far as I could tell, there's nothing preachy about Buddhism. I was in a lot of temples, and I still don't know what Buddhists believe, except that at one point Kunio said 'If you do bad things, you will be reborn as an ox.'This makes as much sense to me as anything I ever heard from, for example, the Reverend Pat Robertson."

"In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book."

"Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything."

"Well then," Roen said briskly, "are you sleeping?""Yes.""Come now. A mother can tell when her son lies. Are you eating?""No," Brigan said gravely. "I've not eaten in two months. It's a hunger strike to protest the spring flooding in the south.""Gracious," Roen said, reaching for the fruit bowl. "Have an apple, dear."

"There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon."